It is suicidal to love one who doesn't respect your feelings- someday, the dagger of insensitivity will slice through your heart, leaving you to bleed forever..
But we don't really think about it when we do fall in love, do we ? Maybe, hence the phrase, "falling in love". We fall first and lying down there, we start wondering what have we got ourselves into.. Falling in love is easy. Realization is slightly more difficult. Toughest part is making it happen. It is one thing to claim "I am in love ! World looks so much better today !" and yet another thing to convert it to a successful relationship.
I have always wondered- what is most crucial in the evolution of a good relationship? I wouldn't prefer the term "happy"; a relation is not about being happy 24X7, as much as it is about accepting lows and working your way through it. So, does a mutual feeling of intense like/need suffice? Personally, I believe it does. When two people want each other so badly, rest of their lives automatically fall into place. But then, it is purely dependent on your level of innate pragmaticism. The most common so-called pragmatic evil that I have known is the "social differences". "Hey, my neighbor's uncle's cat wont be happy if we are together !"- might be a little too self-damaging, I feel.
In a country like India, anyone and everyone are different from the other, in terms of religion/caste/sub-caste/economic strata/XYZ...Given, these things do matter to an extent. But many of them are wrongly perceived to be static and pre-defined in a person. For example, caste system prevailed in ancient Hindu society as a classifying factor of profession practised by respective members. Is that the same situation today? Do we stick to the ideologies/principles/rules that form the crux of our birth caste? Guess not. Then, why judge a person based on it? An individual's knowledge depth about Vedas and Upansihads might be really good but is a soldier in Army, a warrior destined to protect our nation; He might belong to some caste by birth that had nothing to do with either of the above-mentioned aspects. How relevant is it now?
When you take the relationship to the next level, your family comes into scene. A marriage creates a new bond between two families; it is important to be considerate of their feelings and expectations. But, there should be a balance. Giving up your life and going ahead to make your folks happy might just be what it is- a momentary or rather illusionary scene of happiness that you create for people around you. When and IF it blows up on your face later on, the sheer purpose is defeated. After all, your family who cares about you more than everything else, wouldn't want to see you failed in life ?
Coming back to my starting statement, never scorn at a person's feelings for you. It is but natural that you might not reciprocate it always. But, never question it or explicitly slam it as rubbish. For all you know, your sense of humor might be the villain; but the damage it causes to other person is huge and lasting. It might be few words spent for you, but it might be a life-time of pain for another. Be respectful of one's feelings; else, someday you might realise it the hard way, when you are at the other end..Trust me, it is important. Life is too short to be spent getting hit for such mistakes you make !
P.S:- Sincere apologies if any sentiments are hurt. Not intended at all. Also, as much as I am stubborn about my views/opinions usually, I do make a sincere attempt to be open about and understand others' ideas about the same :-). So, do feel free to let me know what you think..
About Me
- Vineetha
- I've always been for scribbling my thoughts in a piece of paper..trust me, it feels like too good a break from typing away letters 24X7 ! But then, you need this space to get those thoughts across, and here I am :-)
11 comments:
"Giving up your life and going ahead to make your folks happy might just be what it is- a momentary or rather illusionary scene of happiness that you create for people around you. When and IF it blows up on your face later on, the sheer purpose is defeated. After all, your family who cares about you more than everything else, wouldn't want to see you failed in life ?"
A very novel thought! I have never seen such a point of view. Nice post. :)
i agree any difference-based discrimination (simply put, the neighbour's cat) isn't good for a surviving relationship. but, we are fed with and brought up in a world based on such differences.
for example, if one is a brahmin, one is taught not to have non-vegetarian food. there are a lot of questions in the above statement that may not qualify in the current world. i agree to that too; please bear with me for a moment. so, in the future, if one falls in love with a person whose diet comprises of non-vegetarian items, it might not be an awful enough reason to end one's journey with that person. however, as a saying goes, "it's not the mountain one climbs, but the pebble in one's shoe that wears one out." this is just an example.
i think you are speaking about the same when you said, "It is one thing to claim "I am in love ! World looks so much better today !" and yet another thing to convert it to a successful relationship."
so, any difference can probably be collapsed in the current scenario to the difference in the way of living -- including how people treat one at one's home, how one's respect holds there, how the festivals of one's own beliefs and those of others are celebrated, how various works from washing dishes to paying bills are sorted out and performed, etc.
if those of one's chosen one are close to one's own, i think there should not be any problem, even if they belong to some of the named differences. else, there might come a situation that you have described in the post. so, in the end, it just is the longing between two people that keeps them together, but the longing gets easier with a slightly stronger screening process, if possible before the "falling". note the "if possible" for those who still are for LaFS.
P.S.: --- ditto ---
@Varmaji- Thank you :-)
@Pinky- I agree. Simply put,guess we are talking about mutual tolerance here. But then again, its your priorities that matter. You might be missing out on a lot of more important things in such a screening process when you satisy compatibility in food-habits etcetera.. What say ?
Good one, Vini. Such is life! I liked the part about the neighbour's uncle's cat.. Seriously that must be the first time you kow that this uncle's cat "cared" soo much about you :)
Nice write-up vini....Really refreshing from the travails of kuttapan from our mutual friend the donkey....Something one can relate to.
A good read.
Just a few questions that came up.
1.Should love always culminate in marriage?
2. Is marriage a personal need or a societal need? Is marriage even a need or a certificate in paper, or a dash of vermilion across one's forehead?
3. Who will influence us more in life? Society? Our parents? Or Choice?
Keep Writing.
Nice post on a rather complicated subject ..Love!!.
I like this part -
"Maybe, hence the phrase, "falling in love". We fall first and lying down there, we start wondering what have we got ourselves into.. Falling in love is easy. Realization is slightly more difficult.Toughest part is making it happen. It is one thing to claim "I am in love ! World looks so much better today !" and yet another thing to convert it to a successful relationship"
Commenting on Love, i would like to give an excerpt from one of my favorite novels :
"Loves are like that. You heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you started throwing people out - your friends and everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take you down with it."
@atticus- Marriage is one's perspective on a phase of life. It could begin with a pair of signtaure on a piece of paper or tie of a knot in presence of one's form of God or a dash of vermilion across one's forehead(as you mentioned) or a move-in to live under the same roof. Guess that makes it a personal need. About extent of influence in life, guess that is again relative and dynamic. Childhood is mostly influenced by parents; as we grow up, it does change or maybe it does not.
@Nair- That is an amazing statement on love. I believe, the measure of success in a relationship is how crowded can you keep your lifeboat without sinking. The moment you start throwing things out, a part of you goes out as well. Sometime in the process, you realize you are almost out as well, and then you fight with all you have to survive !
agreed that finally, it amounts to mutual tolerance. but, there's more probability of the "important things" falling in place between the two when they have more in common of what shaped them than when they don't; hence a higher probability of mutual tolerance of either of them not being breached.
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